When a man arrives at great prosperity God did it: when he falls into disaster he did it himself.
If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It’s dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.
Mark Twain sure had a sharp tongue. No wonder that Mark Twain quotes are known to be some of the most sarcastic. This makes him a quotes lover’s delight. Some sarcastic comments are so subtle that you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a compliment and sarcasm.
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Some quotes inside this book:
The happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest of human gifts, and the happy delivery of it another.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.
There’s always a hole in theories somewhere if you look close enough.
The solution to our water problems is more rain.
There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry.
A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.
A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
That’s just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don’t want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain’t no disgrace.
The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.
I conceive that the right way to write a story for boys is to write so that it will not only interest boys but strongly interest any man who has ever been a boy. That immensely enlarges the audience.
We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.
If you can’t stand solitude, perhaps others find you boring as well.
Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.
I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.
Independence-is loyalty to one’s best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.
All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they’re a mighty ornery lot. It’s the way they’re raised.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery – go!
Never run after you own hat – others will be delighted to do it; why spoil their fun?
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
How slow and still the time did drag along.
